Eagleionline

Promenade

This Friday marks the return of my favorite LSA event, the Law Prom. Since, for all intents and purposes, we go to high school (with the lockers, section cliques, cafeteria, and litany of rumors and gossip) the prom is the perfect cap to the atmosphere. Prom always turns into a more formally dressed bar review with drunken debauchery, sex behind curtains, shirtless pictures with Dean Garvey, and inappropriate dancing. It can either end in heartache or hook-up (be it enjoyable or regrettable), interspersed with drama, blackouts, photo booths, drunken yelling, a cheese plate, and the occasional loss of balance. Outside of formal drinking, and the prospect of some nice-nice, what makes or breaks a prom is the ambiance created by the music. So in lieu of an album review, I will review prom playlists.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out how the profession of a dance DJ still exists, with the invention of the iPod, internet, last.fm, Pandora, and even simple mix CDs. Logic aside, they do still have a job. Instead of launching into a Nick Hornby-esque recitation of the do’s and don’ts of creating a mix, I will try to outline specifics of what I look for in the playlist. It is necessary to create a feel combining elements of a middle school dance party with club music, and a few slow songs to bring the tempo back down. Unfortunately for music snobs like me, proms do not attract the kind of music that I normally enjoy. Nobody wants to go to the prom and hear Misfits’ B-Sides or one of Spencer Krug’s nine minute Sunset Rubdown opuses. The music needs to appeal to the masses.

Inevitably, there will be songs by current top 40 artists. Lady Gaga should make an appearance (which I will enjoy more than I should) and many of the other artists like Ke$ha and the Black Eyed Peas, which I will neither recognize nor care for. (Speaking of Top 40, if Owl City is played I will take the opportunity to go outside and smoke; because simply put, Owl City is terrible). There also needs to be the requisite slow jams, preferably Boyz II Men, or The Tony Rich Project. Aside from the inherent, nostalgic irony of listening to songs that have become canons of our youth, slow jams provide the opportunity for the classic move started in middle school. The slow dance (aside from being the only dance I can actually do) provides the perfect opportunity in which hands that start respectfully on hips, slowly and subtly make their way down for a cheap feel.

Other songs that have become staples for weddings, dances, and testaments to the staying power of one hit wonders, are classics by the likes of Vanilla Ice and Sir Mix-a-Lot. These are not particularly good songs, and should (rightfully) be met by groans. But as the night progresses, and the whiskey starts flowing from smuggled flasks, the crowd (including myself) will begin to light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle. Another genre that can appeal to large factions comes from the 50’s and 60’s standards that we all grew up with in our parents’ cars. If they play “Run Around Sue” by Dion & the Belmonts I will just lose my head with excitement.

Another area of music that provides what Dick Clark referred to on American Bandstand as “a good beat that you can dance to” is pop from the 80’s. While the 80’s as a whole were a ridiculous decade there are some crowd pleasing artists. The Cure, Duran Duran, The Bangles, and even bands as far askew as The Smiths all have some great songs for a dance. While, the deeper cuts of The Cure and The Smiths provide a maudlin soundtrack for any teenager in pain; their singles provide a great backdrop for any dance.  All in all, I am just looking for music that is palatable, and for that I am willing to endure music that is not (like the Black Eyed Peas, I hate them). But I swear, if I have to sit through a Nickelback song or “Zoot Suit Riot,” I will storm off in a huff like the giant man-child that I am. I hope everyone that attends will enjoy the prom and nobody ends up vengefully urinating on another person’s property. If you are staying home in a self-pity sick cave with a bucket of bon-bons, I would recommend Elliott Smith and Type O Negative for your soundtrack, and stay away from the bands mentioned here, as it will just hurt all the more. Feel free to post your own prom music recommendations in the comments.