Eagleionline

Back in 1986, the first internet dating service, matchmaker.com, was launched using dial-up (this was before the internet became what it is today) to connect the socially awkward or insanely busy who lived near each other. Though the concept didn’t take off initially, in 1995, computer-dating.com, an Israel-based website that catered to the U.S. market introduced a personality/compatibility matching system that was a predecessor to the algorithms seen today on Match.com, eharmony.com, and OKCupid.

Today, the online-dating scene is one of the internet’s most booming industries with Super Bowl commercials, thousands of new people signing up daily[1], and sites catering even the most specialized demographics (PersianSoulmate.com and WeKoreans.com being among the many examples[2]).

So why should you care? If you’re reading this, you’re probably a fairly good looking BC law student, and even if you’re not, hey, you’re on your way to getting that “esq.” attached to the back of your name, and that automatically puts us in the top 30% of the dating population. Nothing gets a guy or girl’s attention faster than words like “lawyer” or “settlement,” even if you look like Scalia and Sotomayor’s love child.[3] None of us should have to resort to a dating website to find someone out there, right? … right?

Well, you see where I’m going with this: many of us—law students and lawyers alike—do resort to using these sites. Some initial reasons for why are obvious: I’m too busy to go out and meet people, I don’t want to date another law student, I’m a sex addict and dammit I need my fix right now,[4] etc.  However, there’s another reason that pertains not only to lawyers but those in every profession: online dating no longer has the stigma it once had.[5]

This revelation came to me recently when I met up with a few friends from law school one of whom brought the guy she just started dating. Now, this friend had just been through the messiest of breakups so we were all happy to see her with someone new. As I got to talking with this new guy, I quickly found myself developing a man-crush on him[6]. He was working on his Ph.D. in bioroboticism (a word I made up since I can’t remember what he actually said) at MIT, had graduated from college when he was 16, learned how to break dance at math camp, was into eating challenges, and was a pretty cool guy. Just as our kindling bromance was about to become a full-fledged sausage-fest by my asking him to a man-date[7] to Eagle’s Deli to take on their burger challenge, I asked him how he and my friend had met. After slight hesitation, he told me:  they had met on OKCupid, a dating website. I’m guessing I didn’t do the best job of masking the look of utter horror on my face since he quickly talked about how a lot of people use these sites now. Of course, I didn’t hear most of his explanation as I instantly became acute to how long his hair was, how he rarely blinked while talking, and how he had learned b-boy moves at math camp.

After a few minutes, I realized I was overreacting; learning that he used a dating website shouldn’t make me instantly suspect that I may have seen him on “Dateline: To Catch a Predator.” Pushing preconception aside, my friend from law school is a cool girl, he’s a cool guy, so there must be substance to what they’re saying about how normal, non-desperate people with nothing to hide also use dating websites.

And that was the night I realized I had to find out for myself.

I’m not going to lie, the decision wasn’t instantaneous. I thought long and hard about whether I really did accept this phenomenon as normal to the extent that I could do it too. If I signed up, I would be forever tainted, I could never again say “I would never sign up for a dating website” because I already had!

What ultimately got me to change my mind was abidance to a mantra I’ve followed my entire life: Try anything once. The flip side of never signing up for a dating website means you can never say you’ve tried it.

Of course, in the end, I was simply bored one night. So I signed up. I chose OKCupid as my site since it was free and everyone described it as the best one.[8] Over the next few weeks I’ll share the experience with everyone, documenting my experiences (both triumphant and humiliating), trying to be as objective as possible, until I end up meeting someone (if I do). For some, it will be an opportunity to live vicariously. For others, it will be a means to being more open-minded about online dating, which ended up happening to me. In either case, enjoy and remember, I’m not gay.

[1] I didn’t really do any research to come up with this figure, but thousands sounds more impressive than dozens or hundreds.

[2] In fitting fashion, the wekoreans.com match process is completely passive and anonymous. No one will know you clicked “meet me” on a person unless they clicked “meet me” on your profile as well and vice versa. If anyone could discover a way to save face as much as possible on a dating website, it’s the Asians.

[3] On a side note, legal brilliance aside, Sotomayor has to be the ugliest government public figure since Janet Reno. Thank God those two probably hate each other and this would never happen.

[4] If this is your reason, the site that caters to your needs is www.adultfriendfinder.com. See? There’s a specialized site for everyone! (You may also want to call Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous based in Newton, MA at (781) 255-8825. Get help friend, we’ll be pulling for you.)

[5] Hat trick! Three straight sentences with a colon in the same paragraph in my first eaglei piece!

[6] Believe it or not! I’m not gay! (Or confused!)

[7] Okay, I’m over-compensating at this point, but I swear, I’m not gay!

[8] It turns out, lots of people I, and probably you, know use these sites. Something I’ll elaborate on further in a future entry. In fact, you might even use these sites, in which case, hey there, how you doin’?